It's not personal

It's not you, it's them. 

It's not me, it's you. 

Today I'm talking about how nothing is personal. 

The fuck? 

We often live our lives thinking the things that happening around us, or the things that are said about us or to us is a result of our actions. 

You know when Susan in the office told you that your coat was 'a bit much'. 

Or, when Diana said that you're 'too excitable'.

Or, 'not cool enough'. 

Well, let me tell you that it says everything about them and NOTHING about you. 

The things we say are a result of our thoughts. 

Now, we know that our thoughts are a result of the things that we have learned. 

The way we behave is an outward projection of our inner world. 

 

When we criticise someone, we are (in essence) saying "you're wrong, because you're not like me". 

And often, the advice that follows is unsolicited and (in essence) saying "here's how you can be more like me". 

 

But you know what? Susan, your black clothes are boring. Diana, you're also dull and cold. So no. I don't want to be like you. 

 

This is also another reason why I strongly suggest that you don't take advice from anyone unless 

a) you asked, or b) they are Beyonce - but that's a post for another day. 

For real though, think about your thoughts. Or the judgements that you make. Get curious. 

How do they relate to the things that you have been told? 

It may be that Susan once expressed herself using a fabulous sparkly pink hat, but a caregiver may have not shown the same excitement, and invalidated Susan's choice; which now results in Susan defaulting to plain clothing and believing that dynamic clothing is 'wrong'. 

Diane may have expressed her excitement as a young child - and a parent may have dismissed her emotion. Which now leads to her both suppressing her emotions and understanding that being excitable is not accepted. 

Your thoughts may be similar - do you get annoyed when people scream in public? 

I know that I do. It grinds my gears. Screeching like a chimpanzee isn't wrong, or harmful. But it makes my blood boil. 

But, thinking about it, as a child, I would have been told to stop screaming, been given a stern glance, or probably told that it was annoying - could be all 3, on a bad day. 

Which is the reason for me finding it highly offensive now. 

And if you're a public-screamer, on behalf of my parents and me - please stop. 

 

I want you to get curious with your judgements. 

I want you to get curious with their judgements. 

Remember, it says nothing about you and everything about them. 

 

The things they say is just an outward projection of their inner world. 

Don't give it the power to change your world. 

 

 

Kate Xx

 

I'd be grateful if you shared this post so others can enjoy it too. It's simple, just click the 'share' button below. 

Be sure to subscribe using the 'subscribe' button at the top of the page, so you're the first to know when I post next.

 

 I post regularly on here and Instagram with self-love, body positivity and recipe ideas so that you can bloom into your best self, with me.