4 tips for recovering people pleasers

Are you a people pleaser?

People-pleasing might not sound all that bad. I mean, what’s wrong with being nice to people and trying to help them out or make them happy?

But people-pleasing generally goes beyond simple kindness. It involves acting in an unauthentic way to please others - be it expressing opinions, saying something or acting in a certain way. 
You might also go out of your way to do things for the people in your life, based on what you assume they want or need. You give up your time and energy to get them to like you.

(P.s. this can involve saying yes when you really mean no, just to keep the other person happy. I know you do it)

Still not sure if you're a people pleaser? 

Do you: 

- Find it hard to say no? 

- Accept fault when you're not to blame? 

- Say 'great idea!' when you don't think its a good idea at all? 

- Struggle to be your true self around people? 

- Get scared of rejection? 

- Spend most of your time giving to others? 

- Have no time for yourself? 

- Get upset by arguments?

Have I called you out? Yup, thought so. 

Bad news? You're a hardcore people pleaser. 

Good news? You can make a change. Today. 

This was once a character profile of me, I was the ultimate people pleaser. 

If you were to rate me 1 - 10 on a people-pleaser-o-meter, I would have been a 12, on a good day. 

Like an over-enthusiastic, needy dog. 

I'd like to consider myself a recovering people pleaser because I still carry (and like) some of my people-pleaser traits because I'm not cruella de Ville.
Also, part of maintaining relationships with others involves taking their wants, needs, and feelings into account.

If you want to feel:

- like people no longer take advantage of you

- less resentful (towards all the people, who you have been pleasing)

- more satisfied in your relationships

- less stressed

- like the queen you are

Then I can help you take back control of your life. 

Here's my top tips for recovering people pleasers: 

Show kindness when you mean it
It’s a good thing live with kindness. But kindness doesn’t come from a desire to earn approval, and it generally doesn’t involve any motive beyond wanting to make things better for someone else. 

Practice putting yourself first - a.k.a being selfish(ish)

You need energy: emotional and physical to help others. If you don’t take care of yourself, you will struggle to do anything for anyone else. Putting your own needs first isn’t bad.

Meeting your needs doesn't have to be declining all social plans so that you can binge-watch Netflix (although, this is totally acceptable), it can involve things like offering your opinion in a work meeting, getting comfortable with your emotions and feelings, and asking for what you need in a relationship. 

Set boundaries
The next time someone asks for help or your tempted to intervene, consider:
How you feel about the action. Is it something you want to do, or are you dreading it?
Whether you have time to see to your own needs first. Will you have to sacrifice limited free time or skip out on a necessary chore?
How helping will make you feel. Will it make you feel happy or resentful?

You can then make an informed decision and be completely unapologetic about it. You're allowed to say no - you're also not required to give an explanation. 

Oh, and stick to them. 

Wait until you’re asked for help
No matter what the problem is, you’re always ready with a solution. You volunteer for tasks at work and are ready to jump at the drop of a hat.
Next tie, wait until someone asks you for help. Trust me, if they want the help, they will ask. 

There comes time when you have to stop crossing oceans or people who wouldn't even jump puddles for you. 

Don't be afraid of losing people. Be afraid of losing yourself trying to please other people- it is no one else's job but your own to like you. 

Take back control of your life, you deserve to bloom into the best version of yourself.

Kate xx 

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